I am aware that I have not updated my own website in a while.
Here is a list of Things:
- Trying to be a houseplant person. Not going well.
- Trying to figure out taxes while abroad. Could be better.
- Trying to book a hotel for my upcoming trip to Venice for Carnevale (!!) but my travel buddies are insisting on booking last minute to “save money” and it is driving me up a wall.
- Trying to eat better and exercise more. Actually going better than expected.
- Trying to finish writing a novel. Also not going well.
- Getting laid off isn’t a thing you expect to happen in your 20s but when it does you’ll feel like it’s your fault and that sucks but that’s literally not why they call it getting laid off.
- I cried a little inside while buying a new pair of shoes for the equivalent of $150 even though my $20 pair of shoes is falling apart and these new ones are miraculous and fit perfectly.
- I miss reading physical books and eating American pizza.
- I’m finally starting to like wine.
- I am held together by sweaters and stress.
So, overall, not a bad start to the year. I think I’m objectively doing better than I was last year and am working toward bettering myself and achieving my goals (blah, blah…), which are scattered and many. I want to do too many things with my life! It’s like I have the ambition of three different people…. but I also have the sleep requirements of three different people.
For a while now I’ve been content with being a little lazy about my work. Not in the way you’re thinking! But I’ve been doing things and being okay that they’re not being seen by… anyone. Even though the internet is Everywhere. And I’ve kind of even done it on purpose. But you can’t build community if you don’t actually interact with people! Introverting on the internet is tempting, but not really what platforms are for.
This is my internet space. And I’m gonna work to do good with the space I do occupy. First believing that I deserve it (which is actually harder than I keep thinking!), and then by building potential, molding it into a shape that I’m satisfied with and being proud of my work.
And this goes for the real world too (I say, as if I’m giving myself a lecture in the mirror). I don’t really have any friends here! Well, I do, but I see them once a week around predetermined events. Who am I gonna talk to when I need help to stop talking myself out of buying something I need when my friends at home are all at work due to the mess that is time zones? Not that that exact situation happened this week or anything…
So that’s another thing I’m trying to consciously work on. Which is also going to be a challenge, because I really like sitting at home wrapped in a blanket and giving excuses like it’s too cloudy outside to expend more social effort.
Although, that seasonal depression has hit me harder this year than before. So maybe I’ll hibernate for a while and redouble my social efforts once the weather brightens up a bit…
See, it’s all about compromise.